The Mirror Effect

In a certain study of physics, one is made to believe, and I have no reason to doubt it, that by observing a certain aspect of an electron, you influence the very thing you’re looking at.

I’m no science buff for this post, or in general, but this seems very appropriate a thought to reflect on. Given how life is often doing surprising things, taking the time to pause and think about what’s at stake can be a chance to grow more than if you’ve not reflected on life as it happens.

The below story is a representation of some of the things I’m eluding to. Enjoy the read.
Matt sat watching the sunset in a bit of a funk. He coudn’t understand why someone as nice as he was could be so rejected and feel so dejected. He wasn’t the type everyone flocked to, but he was regarded as one you could trust and turn to. However, today, he was feeling quite low and stupid.

What was the problem?

This girl called Kelly.

When he had first laid eyes on her, she was the perfect person to be friends with. It was like instant soul mate connection at first sight. He had no plans on getting romantically involved, that was the last thing on his mind. He just knew that this was going to be a very special connections of a friendship.

To make matters worse, Kelly appeared to be the type who shared his feelings about this instant connection. Things were starting off super well. They were going to be the type of friends you’d think were dating but never dated.. The thrill, the joy, the excitement was intoxication and too good to be true.

Then, reality set in.

It was too good to be true it appeared.

She wants little to do with him. She’s pulling away. No, sh’s blocking him access to her. She’s avoiding him. Nothing weird, nothing untowards, just not feeling him at all. So he thought.

Well, time to place the the thinking cap on, Matt reflected. He was going to apply a lot of brainpower to solved this mysterious change in attitude.

The harder Matt tried to sort out what was going on with Kelly, the more she dodged and avoided him. It was to the point where he thought of himself as a fool for trying to be friends. What was wrong with him…Why did he feel the compulsion to gravitate towards her?

As Matt sat in his pain, the notion became a bit clearer in his head. The universe had conspired to introduce him to Kelly for a reason other than friendship. This was not to be a cool buddy deal. This was to be a look into his own self.

Matt noted with some interest that the times he spent away from Kelly, he was greatly motivated. To be a better version of himself. He pushed harder, networked better, related more efficiently, and performed better than before. To the point that many closed doors in his personal and professional life began to open. A raise, a new position, a new set of friends to add to his already impressive circle, and even a better relationship with his girlfriend.

The problem was when he was around Kelly. He felt all kinds of negative feelings mixed with positive ones. The harder he tried to get close to her, the more he felt insecure, rejected, used, insulted, and unworthy. These were feelings he was not accustomed to having. What was going on?

The sun was already setting on Matt as he pondered the implications of those thoughts. That’s when it hit him. The more he studied and tried to impress Kelly, the more he was changing the very nature of what was taking place. Instead of attracting her, he was repelling her. Instead of sharing with her, he was talking at her. Instead of making her feel safe and trusting around him, he was making her feel suspicious and insecure. That had to be it!

The universe was using Kelly as a mirror to help him see himself for how he was. He was insecure and unsure of himself. People who counted on him were always wary of his solutions because he didn’t come across as confident as he sounded. This was the insight into himself that he was missing. Kelly was the catalyst to seeing himself as he was and make the changes he needed to make to be a better person.

All the improvements he was experiencing was a product of the changes taking place from the within. He was becoming a better person. By be holding someone who he admired, he started to change himself and become a person he could admire also. Kelly was not supposed to be anything more than inspiration. He could now stop trying so hard to be her friend. He could let go the need to be close to her. This was going to be just fine.

Matt got up from his comfy spot on the sofa. Life was now changed. By looking at his situation, he had changed the rules of the game. He had seen himself and become a better person for it.

Should another Kelly come his way, he’d be a whole lot better prepared. Will Kelly ever be open to being his friend in the future? That, only time would tell. For now, he was grateful that he had the chance to learn from this and become a better person.  In fact, if she never became more than a passing acquaintance, this was fine too. The lesson still was the same.

By looking closely at the situation, he changed the situation. Physics worked every single time.

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