To plan a wedding, it’s a big project that requires the help of a few professionals. Back in my day, I used to help this lady orchestrate memories for those who wished to have the best memories. Now that I’ve gone ahead and married this lady and… um… tied her hands with additional responsibilities (my bad hon)… she’s no longer coordinating weddings as her gig. I’m sure she misses those days. So, in the form of a weak apology… I’m writing about one of the days she made beautiful. Bonus gallery and musings linked at the very end.
Coordinated Expressions of Love
The title of this piece is to be ‘cleaver’ about saying wedding planner and wedding vows together in one line. But it’s also a little play on words.
Play on words
The wedding ceremony is the union of two people who want to make it publicly known in a deep long lasting way that they love each other no matter what happens. Because vows are exchanged, their expression of love has an element of being coordinated.
Most guys assume, in the West anyway, that the wedding day is all about what the lady wants. While that is not far from the truth, a well planned wedding has elements of the guy’s personality woven into the event. How much… well… that’s a hot topic of debate this blogger will not get into… as his wedding day taught him a lot about how much say he had.
What most people overlook is the work that goes into making the event what it is. There are so many details that have to look perfect for the camera as well as the guests. Those who do this for a living understand the value of having enough time to plan for the day.
What most won’t comment on is the amount of work that goes into planning the event. Again, another play on words. The professional wedding planner is helping the aspiring couple plan for the most beautiful day of their lives. The couple, assuming they took sufficient enough time, have invested a lot of hours, dates, conversations, fights, and tears to plan for the event of their lives… their marriage.
We put a lot of commercial stock into the day/ceremony. That is the flash, the special effects, the production. Few understand the work that goes on behind the production.
Two people from two different families, might as well be different cultures, have to coordinate how they relate to each other and share the love they passionately feel for one another. In the dating process, they’re learning a brand new language, a new system, a new set of options, a new vision, and a new concept of trust.
Trust being the most critical of the list… and least valued by the dating couple. Why do I say least valued? People consider trust to be about cheating or not cheating. However, trust is affecting everything about the budding union.
Do I trust you with my money? Do I trust you with showing up on time? Do I trust you to keep my shared thoughts, ideas, feelings, as secret as I do? Do I trust you to safeguard the most vulnerable aspects of my heart no one else has access to? Do I trust you with health such that I won’t get sick from making love to you? Do I trust you to hold my reputation high? Do I trust you not to violate my honor on social media or in person? And the list goes on and on.
That takes time to sort out, understand, cherish, and build. Sadly, most men take this too lightly and women discount it too much. Yet, the few who figure it out, assume that everyone else can.
Dating is all about learning how to live a coordinated life. Finding someone who understands your style of dancing because it is also their style. Both literally and figuratively.
Once one finds a partner to coordinate a life with, the next step is to nurture that relationship to last for as long as the both of you live.
(while this blog post focuses on the construct of marriage, this applies just as well to those who opt to live together without the application of such a construct)
Expressions of love.
The wedding day and the whole vows ceremony is just a way of expressing love on a much higher level than before. This is the level where we’re asking our friends, our loved ones, our family, our community to be on standby to help us succeed in marriage. We’re asking people to be willing to share their wisdom to help us win at the journey of love in life.
It is not to have a bunch of people come eat us out of a bank account. It is not a time to get folks drunk so they act the fool. Sure, it’s a party. But it is more than just free food and debauchery. Society is celebrating the love that binds people together as they set on the journey of creating a legacy.
If the need to celebrate something this special was not necessary… then the wedding day would not be available in every single culture around the planet. Marriage, in all the various forms it exists, would not be in every single culture and language around the globe. The significance of this resides in the value of trust based love.
Communities have figured out that trust sustained love can keep people together and the passage of tradition can move on from generation to generation.
The whole point of celebrating it is to draw attention to the new rookies so that everyone is ready, willing, and able to support the neophytes into lasting love. If love wasn’t so important, society would not have made such a big deal to codify it into an institution (this is not taking anything away from the religious aspect… or the spiritual aspects of marriage. I’m just breaking it down in simple terms for all to understand)
As social beings, we are easily influenced by our surroundings. Temptations come. People will feel less loving during moments of their lives. Having the support of those who love us will help us navigate the unknown better. How? Someone else has been where you’re heading. They have made it. They’ve understood it. They can share it with you and help you through.