Our heavy focus on individualism, in Western Society, has made it seem as if one can do all the work of two with equal ease and success rates. Children don’t need two parents. They can live without one. But who asked them? Better yet, they can raise themselves. Did we give them a choice?
The coordinated expression of love flourishes most in an environment that supports it. Even without the wedding vows, the data shows that those who thrive as a couple for long periods of time have learned to adopt the same techniques and principles that have guided many successful marriages throughout time. There is a way to communicate on a very high level that is indicative of success.
Two working as one in unity through adversity to create a paradise on earth. That’s serious coordinated effort. And they’re not doing this alone. They’re doing this within the context of the community in which they live.
Just so happen that marriage, over time, has been a staple of the spiritual realm… as in religion. Because the union of two people is not a physical thing. It is a mind/spiritual thing that is carried out through the avenue of the heart via love and trust.
Serious coordinated expression of love. There is the listening part. There is the speaking part. There is the supporting part. There is the encouragement part. There is the learning and working parts. A lot of psychological and sociological give and take that must happen for a relationship to last a long time.
The wedding day essentially is just a moment in time that marks the change in the relationship and the elevation of the union to a deeper level of trust and emotional sharing.
The Day in Question – the photos
During the planning stages of this wedding, my lady was very hands on helping her friend plan the big event. Lots of phone calls to get all the facts, lots of price checking, and a lot of coaching to keep the couple focused and on the same page.
In the early days, I helped with several events. I’ve learned that the choreography was much like a dance. There are nuances within nuances. A skilled coordinator is able to tease out what is important for the couple to see and handle what is not. It’s all in asking the right questions at the right time to get the right answers. Answers fueled by imagination and supported by facts/data.
Through that process, I was able to understand the story the couple was trying to create on their wedding day. Their photographers and videographer knew the same information. As the day got closer, and nerves started to rattle a little, having all that data made it easier to keep calm and assured that all was going to work well.
Most relationships need to have that ‘runway’ of information to keep the trust alive and well so that people can weather out the rough times smoothly. Without that historical pool of information, people react based on how they feel and stress out their relationship.
See… when emotions run high… vision gets a bit clouded… because emotions want resolutions quickly. When upset, most people want to stop being upset. They’re not as open to hearing what is bothering someone else when their own needs are not being addressed. But, with the framework of knowing what the other (your partner) wants before getting to the point of being upset, there is a different point of reference to frame the picture with. This allows for alternate ideas to blossom and alternate views to enlighten.
On the wedding day, there were plans for a rainy day as well as a sunny day. Even plans for a windy day. Vendors had plans for what to do if there was any delays along the time-line of the wedding ceremony. The main photography crew had a back up crew to make sure all the images were perfectly captured.
When entering a relationship, it’s not sexy to have a back up plan to ensure the success of romance. However, it’s wise to have one. On the day of the wedding, the sun came out as well as the wind. Certain key folks had transportation worries. The backup plans kicked in perfectly and the day went on without any issues. People had no clue there were behind the scenes adjustments.
So it is with love. When two people coordinate their views very well, there are three perspectives on the table at all times. His views, her views, and their view (the same principle applies in same gender relationships by the wway). Each sees the situation from different lens and priorities. When all these items are discussed, then plans can be built for success.
The couple depicted in this post, and attached post, have weathered life pretty well. They kept their lines of communications open, they’ve sought qualified support, and they’ve kept their faith alive to keep them grounded. They’re able to celebrate love as it continues to blossom.