Outside vs Inside
Outsiders
The outside is the world at large that does not live inside of us. They’re the parents who lovingly push you to do careers you’re not sure you’d like to do for yourself, or the busy teacher who has no time to give in abundance to you yet manage to inspire you to push yourself farther than you’d normally go.
The outside is the pollution you breathe in against your better judgment increasing your risk of cancer you’d rather not have. The outside is the reactions to your skin color that you’ve not signed up to have but must own and make great or not. It’s the unspoken words and looks one gets that makes them feel small or large.
The outside is the marketing genius who put together amazing commercials that makes you feel all kinds of ways about who you are. In case of this month, if you’re not getting a box of chocolate, you’re not living life. However, if you do get that box of chocolate and opt to eat it, you’re horrible and should pay for it at the gym with extra crunches. But if you do workout, you must have the latest and greatest yoga pants, because you can’t look unfashionable, but do so in a same sex gym because you’re not that appealing to the opposite sex. The list goes on and on.
When Outside is more powerful than inside
The issue is not that you’re being influenced or asked to make considerations you’d otherwise wouldn’t. It’s not even that folks want to have you consider their way of thinking. That is what the whole social discourse part of human being is all about. People constantly sharing their views, influencing each other, building off the knowledge share, and making the world a better place. That is ideal actually.
The issue is when in areas of life that should be yours to control, the outside wins out. That is a problem. It is such that people’s sense of well being is challenged when they’re unable to make their own self assessment.
How does that look?
When your self esteem is tied to how often someone else tells you that you’re a good person, you’re at risk of a lot of yo-yo feelings. A compliment makes you feel really good. A criticism makes you feel horrible. Getting ignored brings on massive self down and soul searching.
When it comes to identity, worth, choice of pursuits, leaving that in the hands of someone else is very risky. It is told that many who feel the outside holds more control than they do… fair less in areas of self-esteem, healthy, longevity, and upward mobility.
The expression “don’t let folks rent space in your head” exists in part to address the issue of outside vs inside locus of control. Do not value other’s opinion way above and/or at the expense of your own opinion. Critical thinking, healthy skepticism, and value selections are some of the tools to help a person decide for themselves how much control to hold verses how much to give to the outside.
Before diving in more Locus…
It is important to note… the center of control does change from situation to situation and era to era. What?!?
As a child, it is normal and completely expected that the Locus of Control is the parent(s). They inform your decisions and are the heroes of your world. As one grows and starts to think more independently, the shift starts to move more inwardly. In a way, the goal of life is to make you your own moral agent who doesn’t go rogue. nod to the last blog post
Even in adulthood, sometimes it is wise to decide to let someone else have a degree of control over what you do. You’d not hold a job down long if you didn’t get that concept. You’d not fair too well with various authorities if you couldn’t shift some control to the outside.
Once again, it’s when one leaves control to the outside that should stay inside that creates a problem. Certain aspects of privacy should remain private. Certain aspects of opinions should stay to oneself. Certain negative feelings should not be shared. Some ideas should remain just that. The list goes on.
Instead of pursuing more of the list, let’s go into ways of keeping control inside the levels of control that should stay inside on the next page.
Through One Lens 