Inside vs Outside
The enormous speed at which life moves often times leaves little time for any work to be done to examine where the Locus of Control is. That is the single biggest thing, in the opinion of this writer, that needs to be address.
Slow down to have more control
In the rate race of adulthood, there is no time for anything. Creating a bit of time to think helps. By having time to think, one can assess and see what one wants in life and how to go about getting it. That very act of thinking and planning means the level of control has shifted from out to in.
Reaction vs Action
The simple act of having a plan means you’re deciding what you’d like to have happen. How it plays out is not entirely up to you, life just happens sometimes. However, not having a plan means life just happens however it plays out.
One can plan to have a friendly cup of coffee. That increases the odds of it happening well above random chance. Same with deciding to write a journal, learn a new skill to improve your job worthiness, or calling a friend to keep a connection alive.
Live with purpose instead of reacting to everything that happens.
author’s note Learning to not check social media, text messages, and email first thing awake has greatly reduces my personal stress. It has allowed me to move my life, career, relationships, and entertainment in directions I’m happier with. Living in email from wake to sleep means you’re living in someone else’s agenda. If that’s how I want to live, that’s fine. But if it’s not, then it’s not cool. very much still an active process of continual improvements
Ask questions
Many times, simply asking “is this what you want” makes a huge difference. That can be asked internally or externally. Is this really what you want? Many times the answer will surprise you.
How that question is ask of course may vary. You’re not going to ask your boss that question exactly that way after they gave you an assignment to complete. However, that concept can bring to light the relevancy of that project. Sometimes a boss may give out work that needs not be done. By asking the right question the right way, you can be the person who spares the company time and money.
But back to a personal level, is this the career you want? Is this the dating romance you want? Is this the way you want to be spoken to? Is this how you want to be remembered?
Ask questions. Ask them often. This, for those who don’t ask, teaches you to connect with your inner centers of control. What do you want. Over time, you get much better at this. This also helps you say no easier to things you don’t want because you’re better able to identify what is wanted and what is not.
Write things down
Typing is cool. Writing is better. Sure, all a matter of preference. But, writing engages more areas of the mind and therefore gets a more “raw” look into what you want. Truth be told, intentional typing can get similar or same results too, do not get influenced by this blog to think you’re doing it wrong if you’re a typer instead of a writer. (this author does both btw)
The writing process lets certain ideas flow that otherwise wouldn’t come out the same way. Once written, the advantage of time kicks in. One can review their writing at a later time. With time space and different mind clarity, reviewing the written thoughts can shed light into how you see yourself that you’d not otherwise see.
That’s why journaling works, when it works. Seeing how one state of mind is from the perspective of another sheds critical light that otherwise is missed. It’s like seeing through another lens.
Through journaling, many have changed their eating habits, their love habits, their workout habits, and many more. By tracking it, you’re able to measure it, you’re able to do something about it. It moves things from perception and gut feelings to quantifiable data subject to the rigors of the scientific method.
Get advice
A fresh set of eyes makes a lot of difference. A trusted mentor or coach can ask you the hard questions. Why are you doing things this way? What motivates you do respond this way or that way? They see things differently than you do, their feedback can trigger insights you’d otherwise miss.
Once, this writer was informed that when taking photos, a certain posture was adopted that looked funny. There was no way to ever know that. One day, someone sent the photog a photo of his own stance. It was quite comical. Now, this stance has been refined and is a signature pose of his work. The refinement now makes it less funny but more professional and is part of the brand. Turns out, many other photographers use that stance too, and it helps with creating better images. But we’re digressing a bit.
No one knows everything. That’s why there is information sharing. The key is selection. Pick your advice sources wisely, as you’re giving them a degree of control over your ways of thinking. Don’t give it away all haphazardly.
Debrief
After a decision is made, go back and look over that decision… not to pine over it, but to learn from it. Did the outcome match the expectations? Was there something missed that can be learned? Did the decision made match the need of the situation? What can be learned from this situation? The list can go on.
A debrief can be done privately or with the help of others. Learn from situations. Without that inquisition and fact gathering, one may not learn what’s to be learned, and thus be subject to repeating the same bad decision.
The more people involved in the decision making process, the more important a debrief becomes, and sadly, the less likely it is to happen too. However, spark that change, start asking the questions. Not in a pestering way, but a smart beneficial way.
Let’s wrap up our discussion on the final page…
Through One Lens 